November 1968 — VOL. 49, No. 11 —
About Reducing
Friction
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One of the sad things about business,
community and family life is that friction may be nibbling
like termites at their foundations unseen and unnoticed. Friction
does not have to be screechy, like an ungreased wagon wheel,
or throwing off smoke, like a railroad car hotbox, to be dangerous
and evil.
One little bit of friction can trigger chain reactions and
shake the whole delicate balance of office or workshop or
home.
In physics, it is easy to ascertain the frictional force
tending to hold back or chafe moving bodies, but friction
between people cannot be statistically measured. There are
too many human variables.
If ever there was a case where prevention is better and
easier than cure, this is it. Skill in working and living
with other people must become a natural, continuous, activity.
It demands sensitivity in day-today contacts. It requires
awareness that other people's lives are just as important
to them as ours are to us.
Friction can develop between friends, between employer and
worker, between clerk and customer, between the public and
public servants; it may manifest itself through attitudes,
conversation, letters, telephone messages, and even through
facial expressions.
Often friction has a personal cause: it is friction between
what is inside of us and what is outside of us. Life is, for
everyone, an unceasing adjustment of internal relations to
external relations.
Physical friction is easy to define. When two bodies rub
on each other there is a force where the rubbing occurs called
friction, which resists motion. It is caused by the interlocking
of tiny irregularities on the two surfaces that are in contact.
Between human beings, friction takes many forms. Look at
the friction caused by late-comers to a concert. They make
whole rows of people stand, they block the view of the stage,
they annoy and insult the conductor, the orchestra and the
artists. Why did Eugene Ormandy ask women to check their noisy
charm bracelets before entering the Academy of Music in Philadelphia?
Because their jangling rubbed people the wrong way, raising
the urge to do mayhem.
Friction in a workshop may be caused by the habitual sloppiness
of a worker whose inadequacies have to be made up by others;
in an office it may arise from such a simple thing as leaving
a cigarette smoldering in an ash tray; in the home it may
stem from untidiness.
Useful and wasteful friction
There are uses for friction in mechanics and physics. The
cave-man found that when two sticks are rubbed together the
resulting friction generates heat and starts a fire. You can
make a friction drive, in which one wheel causes rotation
of a second wheel with which it is pressed into contact. A
locomotive can pull a train because there is friction between
its wheels and the rails. Nails are held in place by friction.
These are useful applications of friction, but friction
between people who are living and working together is wasteful
of their efficiency, disturbing to their happiness, and it
erodes their hope of fulfilling their purposes in life.
The effects of friction between things can be decreased
in given cases by various means. A barber lathers a man's
face before shaving him; the sliding surfaces in a machine
may have some of their projecting points smoothed down; a
file may be pushed across an edge diagonally instead of at
a right angle; oil or grease forms a layer on surfaces, thus
protecting the surface irregularities from one another; rollers
or wheels
( man's greatest achievement in combating friction
) reduce friction between moving surfaces.
When it comes to dealing with friction between people, adaptations
of these physical treatments may be effective in the short
run and in some cases, but the problem is different because
men are intrinsically different from inanimate metal.
What causes friction ?
What causes friction in a workshop or in an office? Before
a dispute breaks out there must be both a specific grievance
and a general background of discontent. If the friction of
discontent can be kept low, all parties are in much better
position to handle grievances constructively. Therefore, the
time to use soft soap is before a worker gets the chance to
think he has had a dirty deal.
This applies in all areas of life. We should not wait for
the squeak that tells us friction is present, but seek to
anticipate so as to prevent the cause. A quality of understanding
is needed, besides an intelligent interest in other people
and their way of thinking.
It is remarkable the number of causes one finds for friction
between people. All of us have personal vanities, grudges,
quirks, and passions old and new. We are inclined to bicker
when things seem to go contrary to our desires.
The dangerous person is the one who has that sickness which
moves him to enjoy causing friction. He criticizes everything
that is not to his taste, whether it matters or not. He is
like Buck, the dog in Jack London's book The Call of the
Wild, who kept the sled team in an uproar while he himself
put up a bland front.
Nagging is one of the most prolific causes of friction between
human beings. Some people do not seem to be able to let well
enough alone, to say a thing once and let it stand. They drive
fellow workers to distraction, or, at home, they make intimacy
an excuse for rough manners. Count Leo Tolstoi's wife admitted
to her daughters: "I was the cause of your father's death."
Her constant complaining, her criticisms, and her nagging
drove him to flee from her. Wandering in the snow, he caught
pneumonia and died.
Friction can be caused by rumour, either deliberately planned
to cause trouble or thoughtlessly spilled out in mischievous
mood. We all know the office trouble-maker and the factory
gossip, people who compensate for their own empty lives by
setting other people at odds with one another. There are,
in certain circumstances, groups of such people devoted to
the spreading of fear and hatred. Religious and racist bigots
are of this kind.
The dependable individual defense against rumour is to develop
a healthy skepticism of all hearsay reports. We set our minds
to preventing the obsessed or opportunistic trouble-maker
from causing trouble. The corporate defense, in community,
business and home, is to publish the truth before the rumour-makers
can get up steam.
Suspicion and envy
Suspicion is a common cause of friction between people.
The person who is always and unreasonably suspicious of the
motives and actions of those around him is a repellent personality,
causing trouble to people who have no intention to do him
any harm. But more than that, he hurts himself. To be always
clad in the burdensome armour of suspicion is more painful
and depressing than to run the hazard of suffering now and
then a transient injury.
Envy and jealousy sometimes run amok, even after thousands
of years of civilizing influences. There is not much scope
for modification of a species in four or five hundred generations,
and jealousy still causes the same friction between people
as in cave-man days.
These faults, placed by the writer Dr. James Stalker among
The Seven Deadly Sins, are malicious in the way they
poison relationships. They show themselves in grief or displeasure
at the success of other people, and delight and exultation
in their failure. They creep out of hiding when a promotion
is announced in business, when a public honour is bestowed,
or when a prize is won in school.
The person striving for success, courting the applause of
the world, may cause friction by not respecting the feelings
of those with whom he is in competition. An obnoxious pushing
for place is irritating and may cause a revolt.
Pride displayed upon attaining an objective antagonizes
fellow workers. The man who is made happy by success does
not need to make colleagues feel that he is a great deal more
clever than they are. He will avoid friction by displaying
manners, grace and generosity.
Last to be mentioned in this array of causes of friction
is impatience. We need to apply reasonable patience when things
are said which antagonize us. What is the person's intent?
Perhaps he does not really mean to attack us or our plan,
but is merely inept in his asking of questions or stating
his point of view.
It is absurd to allow ourselves to be rubbed the wrong way
by a man who does not perceive the force of our reasons, or
gives weak ones of his own. We recall the philosopher who,
when kicked by a mule, overlooked the insult on considering
its source.
Patience is a virtue of the strong. It is largely a matter
of adjusting our minds and spirits to the realities of a present
situation, and then making ourselves as comfortable as possible.
This is far from the namby-pamby attitude of giving in to
everything. We remember that the patient Job turned upon his
friends who, in their security and ease, could afford to indulge
in artificial arguments far removed from the painful realities
of Job's life.
Be your own trouble-shooter
Reducing and eliminating friction in life is largely an
individual exercise. Some people like the idea of having a
trouble-shooter in every workshop and office. You can picture
him scurrying around with a pail of soft soap in one hand
and an oilcan in the other. How much more sensible if every
man and every woman carried a small individual supply of soft
answers and the other means needed to overcome friction.
Having made sure that the friction does not arise from a
thought in your own mind, you can tackle the job of smoothing
out the other person.
The project requires that you make allowances for the misguided
emotional responses to life of other people. They may suffer
morbid fears or anxiety states; they may act as they do because
it gives them a feeling of being important; they may not be
against their environment or you but waging a battle within
themselves.
Your response should provide something substantial to replace
deficiencies. You may find or contrive for the person who
is causing friction some outlet that will give him purposeful
activity. You may help him to get rid of his emotion-ridden
fears.
A person living a well-balanced life finds little against
which to express resentment. If he determines never to go
outside the agreeable side of his character he is reducing
friction within himself and is giving less cause to others
to complain of friction. He holds his emotions in check, especially
when they are of the negative type. He acts as if he liked
the people who antagonize him, and comes to find that his
own feelings toward them have changed. He puts whatever is
said or done in its proper place. He continually readjusts
himself to his environment, which means to other people.
Creating friction unnecessarily is ill-bred. Our structure
of good manners is well-designed to make living together smooth,
but we need to carry it into positive action. When we are
considerate of others in little ways; when we take pains and
some trouble to see that others are not neglected; when we
make sure of doing nothing to cause others to lose face, we
are contributing a plus value to mere courtesy.
Tolerance helps
Tolerance is a virtue closely akin to courtesy. When we
are tolerant of other people's pleasures and peculiarities
we win indulgence for our own, a sort of reciprocal elimination
of friction. We can escape much friction by not blaming, not
judging, and not emitting verdicts.
As Henry James wrote: "The first thing to learn in intercourse
with others is noninterference with their own peculiar ways
of being happy, provided those ways do not assume to interfere
by violence with ours." Nothing is more friction-making than
the complacency with which some people assume that what is
good for them must be good for, and should be imposed upon,
everyone else.
Tolerance is the cordial effort to understand another's
beliefs, practices and habits without necessarily adopting
them as our own. If a blind man bumped into you on the street,
you would not be likely to become angry. You would know that
he is unable to see the things you can see.
Carry this thought over into personal, business, social
and political matters. You may still speak with conviction
and sincerity, while making allowance for another point of
view. There is no surer sign of imperfect development than
giving way to the impulse to snigger at other people, or wanting
to shout them down, because they seem different, or naive,
or do not conform to our code or standards.
Men of narrow thoughts and fierce tempers are prolific causers
of friction. They believe what they want to believe. They
refuse to listen to any of the facts necessary to an intelligent
judgment. They think that every other dog is barking up the
wrong tree, without realizing that there are so many trees
that any good dog should be allowed to choose his own.
The wise man will analyse his beliefs to make sure that
he has not given the wrong meaning to something said or thought
or done. Few things, however good, are without some disadvantages,
and almost nothing, however bad, is without some trace of
good. When Rastus was asked what kind of chickens he liked
best, he replied: "The white ones are the easiest to find
in the dark, but the black ones are the easiest to hide after
you get them."
Listen to people
It is important to listen to people. Let them state their
positions, and then you are free to agree or to disagree.
If we are not to be arbitrary we must let the person complaining
tell us where his shoe pinches.
Ask some questions: "Let us hear your side; what are your
reasons for preferring this to that?" A cause of friction
brought out into the open is less dangerous to you than one
that is not expressed. Restate the case in your own words,
clarifying it and giving evidence of attention.
Some things to avoid are satire, sarcasm and humour. To
use satire may succeed in making a person feel ridiculous,
but that is a narrow success. It hurts his pride, and when
you damage pride you are doing something very hard to remedy.
Sarcasm is a sharp, bitter or cutting expression, a bitter
taunt or jibe. It is sure to leave a deep wound, and it will
be remembered by the victim long after others who heard it
dismissed it as a stroke of wit. Humour should be used carefully,
because every joke must have a truth, and truth can hurt.
The person seeking a cheap and easy reputation for wit is
a past-master in creating friction.
If you are an opinionated person loving to make your beliefs
known, you can learn to do so without "raising the hackles"
of your audience. Avoid acute angles. If you have a superior
case, and use a trained approach, you can win your point without
causing friction.
The kind of argument which can be classified as calm constructive
reasoning should not be confused with the argument which is
verbal controversy. It may not always be easy to see where
reasoning ends and arguing begins, but the moment when one
feels a sense of excitement or anger influencing his words
or his actions he can be pretty sure that an emotional argument
has started.
The cause of friction may be this: you advanced the first
notion that came into your mind, and now you feel that you
have to defend it how you can. You started by stating your
conclusions, and now you have to call other ideas nonsense.
Or you pursue a point farther than is needed. Once a debate
has been won, stop talking.
When you enter a dispute, try conciliation first, then force
remains possible; if you use force first, then conciliation
is impossible. And always leave your opponent a way of escape.
There is nothing worse that can be done to an individual than
the destruction of his self-respect.
Management and friction
Managers and department heads run into many problems involving
friction. In fact, the elimination of friction between workers
is just as important as the easing of friction in machinery.
The manager is not an independent man working alone. He
is part of an organization, receiving instructions, issuing
instructions, working with others at both ends of the chain
of responsibility. Management strength shows itself as much
in restraint and manners as in domination and belligerence.
Diplomacy, the art of negotiating, and tact, are the strong
points in the manager's armoury.
The manager has a chain-of-command responsibility. He needs
to make clear to all persons in his group: (1) what work is
expected from each person, and (2) who will be in charge of
the group when he is absent. The second is an obligation often
neglected by management, with consequent damage through friction.
It is not fair to assume that the senior person ( senior by
service or age ( will automatically look after things. The
manager must call his group together and say: "When I am not
here, Bill will look after things, and I expect business to
run as smoothly as if I were here."
A positive tool in the manager's work-box is the compliment.
A compliment paid in its proper place is an excellent way
of warding off friction.
Some people say, mistakenly, "Make people feel important."
Instead, the manager need only honestly recognize the worker's
person, his importance as an individual, and his qualities.
The secret of winning the support of workers is to help them
to sustain their ego.
If you cannot praise in honesty the job a man has done,
at least show appreciation of effort. If you have to find
fault, do it gently. Call attention to people's mistakes quietly.
This is foreign to our present-day culture, which honours
the act of blaming as being in some way a sign of virtue and
righteousness.
Threats are ineffective in remedying bad conditions in an
office or workshop, and they lead directly into continuing
friction. We cannot, in business or private life, ride roughshod
over the feelings of others.
Before issuing a threat, ask yourself whether the outcome
really matters. An old-timer in the west warned a greenhorn:
"Never show a gun unless you are prepared to shoot: otherwise
leave it out of sight or it will only increase your danger."
Invite suggestions
Suggestion systems are widely used by both large and small
factories and offices to build better employer-worker relations,
prevent the forming of friction causes, and increase efficiency.
A suggestion box shows employees that the firm is genuinely
interested in receiving their comments. Making suggestions
gives the workers a sense of participation.
Some suggestions will be critical of things as they are:
how else, indeed, could ideas for improvement be brought forward?
Analyse the suggestion for its worth, sincerely looking for
a way to use it.
Four things are needed of the manager soliciting suggestions:
(1) make clear that you really want suggestions from workers;
(2) set up a way of evaluating ideas, preferably with an employee
representative on the board; (3) provide suitable recognition
for ideas that are accepted and suitable explanation for those
that are not used; (4) follow through to see that good ideas
are put into use. You cannot increase output, or cut costs,
or eliminate friction, or build morale, with an idea that
is approved and then lies in a file.
The mutual solution of difficult problems ties persons of
healthy mind together, with bonds of mutual respect and trust
in a common endeavour.
The French term "rapprochement" is a good one to have in
mind. One of its meanings is "drawing closer, bringing together".
Every person has some good points to back up what he believes,
so why not eliminate friction by getting together as allies
in a common cause?
To reduce or avoid friction between leaders of groups, confer
with them. One of the best ways in which to win people's co-operation
is to consult them on subjects in which they are interested.
Men will willingly and enthusiastically apply rules or support
a course of action which they themselves have worked out in
a conference. Having helped to make the decision about what
should be done, they will be concerned to see that the effort
is successful.
An experience in non-friction
We can reduce friction by adjusting our behaviour to our
universe as it is, by learning how it works. Part of this
consists in looking favourably on the motives of those with
whom we live and work, not attributing to them desires and
actions which they do not have.
Making allowances for people's eccentricities is both an
art and a necessity if we are to progress through private
and working life without friction. We need to forget personalities
and think of common interests, the plan to be made, the thing
to be done, and the crisis to be met.
There is a certain deep-down satisfaction in bearing with
people's humours, complying with the inclinations of those
you converse with, assuming superiority over nobody. To do
this for a day would be an exciting experience in non-friction.
Published by RBC Financial Group. All editions from the RBC
Letter collection are available on our web site at www.rbc.com/responsibility/letter.
Our e-mail address is: rbcletter@rbc.com.
Publié aussi en francais.
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